{"id":482,"date":"2025-08-14T12:57:12","date_gmt":"2025-08-14T12:57:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/?p=482"},"modified":"2025-08-18T06:15:27","modified_gmt":"2025-08-18T06:15:27","slug":"not-your-trophy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/?p=482","title":{"rendered":"Not Your Trophy."},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">You didn&#8217;t win. Stop saying &#8216;we&#8217;.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It has always confounded me when I hear people- mostly boys in my life- say, \u201cWe won,\u201d or \u201cWe won the trophy.\u201d The truth? You didn\u2019t. Your team did.<br>Even in my own sporting journey (and sorry, Dad!!), I\u2019ve felt this disconnect. After I won a national event, my dad proudly told people about \u201cour\u201d win- because he\u2019d prepared some ergo sessions for me to do weekly. And yes, that training helped greatly, don&#8217;t get me wrong&#8230; But he didn\u2019t sit on the start line. He didn\u2019t take the strokes. He didn\u2019t cross the finish line. I won. That\u2019s the difference.<br><br>There\u2019s a really important distinction between:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cMy team has won\u201d \u2013 acknowledging the team\u2019s achievement.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cMy daughter has won\u201d \u2013 pride, but with correct credit.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cThey won\u201d \u2013 detached but accurate.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cWe won\u201d \u2013 placing yourself in the team, as if you were one of the players.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>And here\u2019s where my obsession with language and linguistics (maybe to an unhealthy degree) kicks in. \u201cWe\u201d is an inclusive pronoun. It signals direct involvement. And it always strikes me as strange when people &#8211; especially those who are simply spectators &#8211; speak as though they played a part in the win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The Moment Tottenham Proved My Point<br><\/strong>This whole debate turned into comedy gold within an hour. While the Tottenham game was on, Josh (my boyfriend) wandered in and announced, \u201cWell, Tottenham lost.\u201d I lost it laughing. Why suddenly the distance? Why not \u201cWe lost\u201d?<br>He didn\u2019t even realise the shift. That\u2019s because it\u2019s subconscious. \u201cWe\u201d is reserved for the wins- it\u2019s basking in reflected glory. But the moment defeat comes, the pronoun changes and there is no more \u201cwe.\u201d Suddenly it\u2019s their loss, not ours. Which, to me, is proof that this habit is all about trying to feel some small taste of victory in your own life\u2026 and then sidestepping the sting of failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>But Why Do People Do It? The Psychology Behind \u201cWe Won\u201d <br><\/strong>When fans say \u201cwe won\u201d about their football team, it\u2019s not a literal claim to participating in the match. Rather, it\u2019s rooted in psychological and social mechanisms that shape identity, belonging, and self-esteem. Here\u2019s what the research says:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>1. Basking in Reflected Glory (BIRGing)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>BIRGing is the tendency to associate ourselves with the success of others (like sports teams) to experience a boost in self-esteem and social identity, even when we had no direct hand in the victory. Wearing team shirts, changing your profile picture after a win, and saying \u201cwe won\u201d are all textbook examples.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>A landmark experiment by Cialdini in 1976 found that students were significantly more likely to wear their university\u2019s apparel and use \u201cwe\u201d when talking about their team right after a win, compared to after a loss.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>In other words: saying \u201cwe won\u201d makes you feel like you personally won.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>2. Social Identity, Group Bonding &amp; \u201cWe\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Social identity theory says that our self-concept is shaped by the groups we belong to- whether that\u2019s a sports team, a political party, or a fandom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>When we identify strongly with our team, their victories feel personal. \u201cWe\u201d becomes natural because you feel fused with the group.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Sports communities mimic the dynamics of tribes or small nations: shared colours, chants, emotions, rituals. The \u201cwe\u201d includes both the people on the pitch and the ones in the stands.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>3. Inclusive (vs Exclusive) \u201cWe\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Inclusive \u201cwe\u201d includes both the speaker and a larger group- like \u201cwe the fans\u201d or \u201cwe the community.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The trouble is, in sport, \u201cwe\u201d blurs the line between supporter and competitor. You might mean \u201cwe the fans,\u201d but it often sounds like \u201cwe the players.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>4. Deindividuation &amp; Emotional Immersion<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Deindividuation is when you lose self-awareness in a group setting\u2014think stadium crowds, pub celebrations, or high-stakes finals. In those moments, the emotional high makes it feel like you were there.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>This blurring of lines between observer and participant is why \u201cwe\u201d rolls off the tongue so easily.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>5. The Flip Side: When It\u2019s \u201cThey\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Ever noticed how quickly \u201cwe won\u201d turns into \u201cthey lost\u201d? That\u2019s CORFing\u2014Cutting Off Reflected Failure.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>It\u2019s a self-protection strategy: keep the wins close, push the losses away. It\u2019s not calculated; it\u2019s subconscious.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Real Fan Perspectives <br><\/strong>Even on Reddit, people can\u2019t resist dissecting it:<br>\u201cBasically, when an individual engages in BIRGing they associate themself with successful others, such that another\u2019s success becomes their own.\u201d<br>\u201cThey say that because subconsciously it is a tribe to them and not a team. It is the us or them mentality\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And the critics are just as blunt:<br>\u201cSeriously. What do you mean \u2018we\u2019? Did you train with them?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>So\u2026 Is It Harmless, or Is It Just Self-Indulgent?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fans say \u201cwe won\u201d not (usually) out of arrogance, but because sport taps into our primal need to belong, to share in success, and to attach our identity to something bigger than ourselves. Psychologically, it makes sense.<br>But language matters. And for me, \u201cwe won\u201d still sparks an eye-roll (sorry!). If you didn\u2019t kick the ball, row the stroke, or run the sprint you didn\u2019t win. You supported. And that\u2019s fine! Just call it what it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m not saying ban the phrase. I am saying reflect on why you use it. Is it genuine team spirit, or is it a quick dopamine hit of victory you didn\u2019t actually earn?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You didn&#8217;t win. Stop saying &#8216;we&#8217;. &nbsp; It has always confounded me when I hear people- mostly boys in my life- say, \u201cWe won,\u201d or \u201cWe won the trophy.\u201d The truth? You didn\u2019t. Your team did.Even in my own sporting journey (and sorry, Dad!!), I\u2019ve felt this disconnect. After I won a national event, my [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":499,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-482","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sport"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=482"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":512,"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/482\/revisions\/512"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/499"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=482"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=482"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordswomenmyths.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=482"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}